BACK TO BLOGGING

A lot has happened since my last post in July.  I took a break from posting to go to Mexico for a mission trip.  Upon my return I got lost in the busyness of church work.  As a result, the words “next week” became addicting.  At least that is my story and I’m sticking with it.

We had a great time in Mexico and best of all, we participated in God's ongoing work there.  Each morning we had a different activity,  Two different days we walked around the city praying at different locations, two other days we worked on a new church building.  Of course, on Sunday we attended worship with a local congregation.  In the evenings we led Bible school for the children.

The last night in Mexico, I had the great honor to lead a joint Mexican and American communion service. We sang and read scripture in both languages, several prayed aloud in their own language, and through an interpreter I led in the observance of The Lord’s Supper.  Through out the entire service, Mexicans and Americans were unified by the Holy Spirit through koinonia. (See note below)

I have been on many other mission trips prior to this trip, however, on this trip the Holy Spirit has really helped me to understand what it means to “be the church.”  I wish I could point to a particular experience, a theological reflection, or another benchmark of the trip where I received an epiphany.  But that is not the case.

God has (and is continuing to) motivated me to embrace the importance of contemporary believers understanding that we are the church. Additionally, we are to be the church to our world.  This means we can no longer depend on pastors to do the work of ministry.  It means believers have to understand that while the church may gather at the church building, the purpose of gathering is to be scattered into the communities as Christ’s ambassadors.  (See: 2 Corinthians 5:20)

Most importantly, if we are to be the church, we must become consistent with our loyalty to God and become devoted to following Christ in every area of our lives.

Note: Koinonia is a Greek word that is very difficult to accurately translate into a single English word. Basically it describes a special relationship and intimate participation among people. The word is frequently translated as “fellowship” in the New Testament. However, koinonia implies a stronger, more intimate bond between people that the modern usage of “fellowship” describes. 

PARENTING TIPS FROM A SURVIVOR - 2

Part 2: SELF-CONTROL: It is Caught More than Taught.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 (HCSB)

Perhaps the greatest thing that a parent can do for his or her children is to say no. Children may not like to hear that word, but they soon learn, one of the ways parents communicate love is by saying “no”.  It is the primary task of each and every parent to protect their children from harm.  The danger may be perceived or unperceived.  It may be immediate or potential.  Regardless of the details, it’s the parent’s job to protect their children from others, other things, even themselves.

This is where self-control comes into the picture. Lack of self-control will place our children into a multitude of immediate and delayed dangers. The obvious dangers involve things like financial harm, poor health, over (or under) weight, chemical abuse, harmful relationships, and a long list of addictions. 

God does the same thing in our lives.  He says “no” to lots of things we think are ok or even good for us. For example, we apply for a new job or position.  To us this might seem like the right thing to do, but God closes the door.  Maybe we decide to purchase a car.  The price is right, the vehicle is in good shape, there is no Biblical reason preventing us from this deal.  Again, God says no, we don’t know why, but He does.  Sometimes He will tell us later why He said no, sometimes He never tells us. 

Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has actually resulted in the advancement of the gospel, Philippians 1:12 (HCSB)

Wise parents are always trying to teach their children when to say no, but in truth the lessons of self-control must begin with the parents.  When parents demonstrate the ability to say no to their own wants, they communicate the value of self-control to their children.  If children are to learn to understand restraint, then parents need to prove that they can and will say no to immediate gratification. 

Remember:
The values parents demonstrate are the values that will be caught and developed in the lives of their children. Self-control is not limited to fits of anger.  It includes our language, our passions, our priorities, and our purchases. Children will imitate their parents in how they treat people, the church, and God. 

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 2 Peter 1:5-7 (HCSB)

PARENTING TIPS FROM A SURVIVOR

Part 1: IMITATION: Be An Good Example

An old experienced college professor once taught me that as a football coach, “It is never an excuse to say, 'I told him!'”  What am I trying to illustrate? Telling children to develop or not to develop certain behaviors is a waste of good air (as a SCUBA diver, I value air very much).

If we want our children to become good citizens and devoted Christians, we have to do more than just tell. The biblical model for parenting doesn’t focus on what we are to “tell our children” but rather it focuses on what we are to “teach our children.”(see: Dt 4:9;  Dt 11:19; Ps 34:11; Ps 78:5).

Teaching involves several steps.  The first step is demonstrating a desired behavior or value.  Secondly, it involves getting the student to imitate that action.  Then as the student performs the action, the teacher encourages, corrects, and compliments the student's performance.  In simpler words, parents demonstrate and get children to imitate.

Here is a good definition I learned from another wise college professor, “Learning takes place when reflective thinking is present and improved behavior is forthcoming.” It is the job of a parent to guide our children to reflect on their actions and evaluate outcomes. 

Children are programed to be imitators and their preference is to imitate their parents (see: Ephesians 5:1).  There is no choice here.  Parents will either be a positive role model or a negative role model, but either way, they will be role models. Lets embrace the office of role model that has been given to us and be positive examples of what good parenting should be!

Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk—not as unwise people but as wise. Ephesians 5:15 (HCSB)

Parents are to live out our lives as an example to follow.  The old “do as I say, not as I do” approach simply will not work.  As parents (note parents, not “best friends”) we need to interact with our children by correcting, encouraging, acknowledging or praising their actions(whichever is appropriate).  Basically, if we want our children to attend church, to volunteer, to be polite, to be obedient, to be safe drivers, etc., then WE HAVE TO BE THOSE THINGS FIRST!           

Set an example of good works yourself, with integrity and dignity in your teaching. Titus 2:7 (HCSB)

Children need our encouragement if they are to meet the challenges of life and mature into healthy Christian adults.

THE PROBLEM WITH WEEDS

I hate weeds. They are ugly and stubborn.  Worse of all, weeds always seem to grow in places where they are lest wanted and the most visible.  For example, my weeds prefer to grow in my brick walk way and  the middle drive way.  They prefer to show up in places where they are glaringly obvious rather than among the other grass and plants where they might blend in. 

I wish I could get them to grow along the edge of my yard, along the lake or next to the vacant lot next door, there I can ignore them and can attribute them to the other properties.  But no!  My weeds want to grow where they are the most obnoxious and the most embarrassing to me.  I believe that my weeds hide until the most opportune moment, then they suddenly make themselves visible and apparant to even the most blind visitor.

Another problem with weeds is I can’t just pull them up or cut them off.  I’ve discovered that to really get rid of a weed I’ve got to get down in the dirt and get to the roots.  Some weeds are so bad that if only a small piece of root is left the plant will grow back from that little piece.  Not only that, but when I do dig them up and get all of the root it leaves a mark, kinda of a temporary scar of sorts.  Often, when I’m not careful, a different type of weed will take root and grow in the very spot where I just removed the original weed. I really hate that.

Hurricanes and tropical storms influence weeds too.  Just as soon as I begin to win my war with weeds a tropical storm or hurricane will blow across my property.  About two weeks later, up pops new weeds.  These are weeds like I’ve never seen before.  They are not common to this area and it takes a new and different type of treatment to get rid of them. 

Finally I have to treat the new weeds like I do with the old ones, get on my hands and knees and pull them out of the ground, one by one.  It is exhausting, dirty, miserable work.  But it is the only way to be sure I get the weeds and their roots out of my lawn.

Right now there are two groups of people reading this article. The first group is asking themselves, “Why are you talking about lawn maintenance?”  The second group is thinking, “OK, I see where you are going, so get on with it!”  So, OK, I will...

Our spiritual lives are much like our lawns. It takes work to keep them in good shape.  Just like our yards, no matter how much we try, the weeds seem to constantly pop up at the most inopportune times and in the most inappropriate places. No matter how much we try to keep the weeds out, they keep showing up.  It takes lots of work to get rid of the weeds we already have.  So much work that we just can’t seem to succeed.

God, however, has provided us with HIS own version of “weed and feed” for our spiritual lives.  The Christian community calls God’s weed removal plan “discipleship.”

Discipleship is “the process of following someone in such a way as to imitate” them.  In this case it is applied to following or imitating Jesus.  Jesus gave three strong commands in the New Testament.  First, He commanded us to love God fully.  Then He commanded us to love people as we love ourselves.  His third command was given right before He returned to Heaven, it is to make disciples.

To “make disciples” we must first become disciples.  Being a disciple involves developing the proper relationship with Jesus. Developing our relationship with Jesus involves spending time alone with him (quiet time), reading and studying the Bible, giving of ourselves, and meeting regularly with fellow believers for accountability. 

These things happen best in a small group Bible study. Each of us become like the people that we associate with and call friends.  Doesn’t it make sense that the best way to develop into a fully devoted follower of Jesus (i.e. a disciple), is to spend time with others who are pursuing the same goal?  Small group Bible studies are just that, a group of believers desiring to become disciples.

FIVE WAYS TO BE A BETTER FATHER

There is a crisis in our culture! A crisis that has been created by and can only be cured by men. 
Many of the problems we have in our society can be directly attributed to the failure of men to live a life worthy of imitation.  Too many biological fathers are absent from the lives of their children. There are those who pay support and maintain some level of interaction with their children, but only to the point where it is convenient for the father.  Selfishness rules in the lives of many of us (both male and female).

In recent years, (actually beginning in the 90's with “Beavis and Butthead”), the trend in television has been to portray parents as idiots and children as the most together members of a family (as evidenced by “The Simpsons”, “Married with Children” and “Family Guy” among others).  

The unity of the American family, those morals and values learned in family dynamics are foundational to the strength of our nation.  Many men understand the importance of family and the critical role a father plays in a family as a role model.  I especially admire those step-dads who are willing to step up and take on that daunting task.

1. LOVE YOUR WIFE PASSIONATELY . 
The way a man treats his wife has a direct bearing on how his son will treat his future wife and the way a daughter will expect to be treated by her future husband. Men need to let their children see them demonstrating respect and love to their wife and mother of their children. 

Also, keep children out of the battle when conflicts arise.  At the same time allow them to see their parents make up.  There is nothing wrong with kisses in the kitchen as long as it remains rated G. 

2.  MAKE FAMILY A PRIORITY
Children measure their value by the amount of time and attention their parents spend with them.
Our employers can be demanding and in today’s economy employment opportunities are limited. 
The more demanding a job becomes, the higher priority we need to place on spending time with my family. Our schedules don’t lie.  The things that I think are important are the things I spend the most time doing. Plan to spend time with your children. Pay the price to be at their performance or game. 

I mentioned in the opening paragraph that selfishness has become epidemic in our society.  It is this area, making my family a priority, where selfishness attacks the most.  We are physically tired at the end of our week.  We are mentally drained each evening.  It’s hard to pay the appropriate amount of attention to our spouse and children.  To win against the “selfishness monster” we need to place a higher priority on family activities than on me.  As a person with two adult children I can attest there is plenty of time for me now that they are gone.  Unfortunately, it’s time with them I desire.


3.  DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN.
Discipline is one of the ways a father can communicate his love to his children.  Here is what the Bible has to say about discipline and love:

for the Lord disciplines the one He loves, just as a father, the son he delights in. Proverbs 3:12 (HCSB)

and

for the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and punishes every son whom He receives. Hebrews 12:6 (HCSB)

Discipline doesn’t have to involve physical pain, but it does have to demonstrate consequences to disobedience.  The best discipline will involve character development.  It is unwise to discipline a child out of anger. Take time to reflect on the offense and an appropriate response to their actions.  Take the time to tell your children that when their privileges are taken away or when they have to be spanked, you are not trying to torment them.  Remember, the purpose of discipline is for training and correction.

And fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 (HCSB)

4.  BE AN ENCOURAGER
In the quarter of a century that I worked with teens, the biggest difference I notice among them was between those whose parents encouraged them and those whose parents ignored them.  A father’s encouragement cannot be replaced by any other source.  Dads in particular have a powerful impact on their children by giving or not giving appropriate praise.

As I’m writing this section, I’m reminded of a situation that occurred while I was coaching football for a living.  One of my players was on the phone in my office and I couldn’t help but overhear the conversation as the boy asked his dad if he would be at the game that night.  I remember the boy pleading, “But Dad, I’m starting tonight!”  Here was one of the great moments of this young man’s short life and his father wasn’t going to be there to share it.  There were other games, the player was good and played often throughout the rest of the season, but his father would never get that moment back.

5.  BE A MAN OF INTEGRITY

But let your word ‘yes’ be ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no.’ Anything more than this is from the evil one. Matthew 5:37 (HCSB) 

Be a promise maker and a promise keeper. Also, men need to walk their talk. Our children see who we are behind closed doors and in public.  What kind of example am I setting if I correct my child for stealing but bring packages of copy paper or ink cartridges home from work. Anything said about kindness and caring won't count in our children's eyes if they see us treating others badly.

FINAL NOTE:  

With Father's Day happening this weekend, I want to say that my Dad is all of these things.  

Thanks Dad for being a GREAT FATHER!

LEGACY

leg·a·cy – something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.

At some point in life each person has or will reflect on his or her impact in this world.  Perhaps the first time is at high school graduation.  We see the end of high school, a time best described as the best of time and the worst of time, approaching and begin to reflect on those years perhaps wondering what difference did it make. 

In the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life”, the main character George Bailey gets a view of what the world had been like if he had never been born. George is given an opportunity to see the positive impact his young life has had on the people of an entire town.  There is one scene where George has discovered his brother Harry's tombstone:

Clarence: [explaining] Your brother, Harry Bailey, broke through the ice and was drowned at the age of nine.
George Bailey: That's a lie! Harry Bailey went to war! He got the Congressional Medal of Honor! He saved the lives of every man on that transport!
Clarence: Every man on that transport died. Harry wasn't there to save them, because you weren't there to save Harry.

George's life even impacted people that he didn't know and had never met.

What a great gift it would be for each of us to see the positive impact our life has had so far.  At the same time, it might be a bit of a curse.  After all there are those of us who’s impact would have to be an established series.  Unfortunately, there are others of us whose impact would barley fill a commercial.  

I have an aunt who will celebrate her 89th birthday this Saturday, unfortunately I can’t be there.  She has and is continuing to build her legacy.  When my father was ten, his father died.  Circumstances required my father to live with several relatives.  Soon after my Aunt Gladys married my father went to live with her. Later after my brother, sister and I were born, my parents would not only take us to visit Aunt Gladys, but we were allowed to visit for a week or two every summer. 

There are so many wonderful stories that testify to the faith in God that anchored the lives of my aunt and uncle that they cannot all be told in one sitting.  My personal favorite is every night Aunt Gladys would gather all of us together and we would read from the Bible. After finishing the chapter or story she would then help us to understand the thing(s) God was teaching us through this piece of Scripture.

I am convinced that a big part of my being a Christian, even becoming a pastor, comes from the Godly influence Aunt Gladys has had and is presently having on my life!  Through me she is impacting people she doesn't know and will most probably never meet on this side of Heaven.

Here’s the short of all of this.  Aunt Gladys passed on her faith to her children, who then passed it on to their spouses and their children.  Those children (Aunt Gladys’ great grand children in case you are having trouble keeping up) are passing that same faith on to their spouses and to their children also.  But that’s not all!  Aunt Gladys passed her faith on to my father, my siblings and myself.  We in turn are passing that same faith and influence on to our children.  There is still more!  There were ten children in the Foxworth clan. That makes for a lot of cousins.  To my knowledge every one of those cousins spent time with Aunt Gladys and her faith in God was passed on to each of them too!  What a legacy!

So, take time to day to reflect on your legacy?
Ask: “Am I living a life that points people to Jesus or away from Him?”
“What will be my legacy?”
Hopefully my legacy will be more than a statue in a park, a name on the side of a building, or the dash between two dates on a grave marker. 

In the words of Clarence from “It’s A Wonderful Life”, “Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?”

WHAT'S YOUR STORY?

There is an old Hymn which states, “We have a story to tell to the nations...” What a true statement! The most effective form of advertising is known as the “testimonial.”  That is why advertising companies get someone to say things like, “I tried (insert your favorite brand name), it works! You try it too!”

I have heard many wonderful stories in my time here on Earth of different ways people have come to commit their life to God. Some stories were dynamic.  Other stories were very ordinary.  Regardless of the "excitement value",  all of them need to be told!  Why? Because they all involve an "Amazing Grace" from GOD!

The truth is we don’t have to be eloquent (it’s better if we’re not), it’s OK to be nervous (it is better if we are), and my story doesn’t have to qualify to become a “made for TV” movie (most people’s won’t).  What we need to do is to be honest, open, brief, and focus on the guarantee of being forgiven rather than on glorifying my disobedience. 

I believe the greatest personal story about God’s involvement in a person’s life comes when we can say, “One thing I do know is that I was blind and now I see.”(John 9:29)  What a great story! What is your story? “I was ________ (fill in the blank), and now through faith in Jesus I __________ (fill in again).” It doesn’t have to be earth shattering, just real!  

Below is an excerpt from a song written in the 70's by a Christian couple and singers named Micky and Becky Moore:
Testimony Song
Well there is not much to tell
whenever I’m compelled
to share my testimony
there’s no hair-raising tails
of hell-raising days
with demons hanging all over me
and I never smoked dope,
or swore at the Pope
or spent the night with a “shady lady”
I just came in bold,
when I was ten years old
and said, “Preacher, I want HIM to save me. © Copyright-Maiden Music (http://www.mickeyandbecki.com)

The greatest story is one that involves a life lived Loving God and Loving People.

Final Note:  I invite readers to reply to this blog with your own story.  Please keep it to about 10 or 12 sentences or less.