PARENTING TIPS FROM A SURVIVOR - 2

Part 2: SELF-CONTROL: It is Caught More than Taught.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 (HCSB)

Perhaps the greatest thing that a parent can do for his or her children is to say no. Children may not like to hear that word, but they soon learn, one of the ways parents communicate love is by saying “no”.  It is the primary task of each and every parent to protect their children from harm.  The danger may be perceived or unperceived.  It may be immediate or potential.  Regardless of the details, it’s the parent’s job to protect their children from others, other things, even themselves.

This is where self-control comes into the picture. Lack of self-control will place our children into a multitude of immediate and delayed dangers. The obvious dangers involve things like financial harm, poor health, over (or under) weight, chemical abuse, harmful relationships, and a long list of addictions. 

God does the same thing in our lives.  He says “no” to lots of things we think are ok or even good for us. For example, we apply for a new job or position.  To us this might seem like the right thing to do, but God closes the door.  Maybe we decide to purchase a car.  The price is right, the vehicle is in good shape, there is no Biblical reason preventing us from this deal.  Again, God says no, we don’t know why, but He does.  Sometimes He will tell us later why He said no, sometimes He never tells us. 

Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has actually resulted in the advancement of the gospel, Philippians 1:12 (HCSB)

Wise parents are always trying to teach their children when to say no, but in truth the lessons of self-control must begin with the parents.  When parents demonstrate the ability to say no to their own wants, they communicate the value of self-control to their children.  If children are to learn to understand restraint, then parents need to prove that they can and will say no to immediate gratification. 

Remember:
The values parents demonstrate are the values that will be caught and developed in the lives of their children. Self-control is not limited to fits of anger.  It includes our language, our passions, our priorities, and our purchases. Children will imitate their parents in how they treat people, the church, and God. 

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 2 Peter 1:5-7 (HCSB)

TEEN CRISIS INTERVENTION (part 2)

Three Reasons to Help a Teen in Crisis

Now when Job’s three friends...heard about all this adversity that had happened to him, each of them came from his home. They met together to go and offer sympathy and comfort to him. Job 2:11 (HCSB)

1. When I was hurting God provided someone to help me.

Everyone of us has gone through or is presently going through a time of crisis.  (Personally my teen and college years were one crisis after another.)  Each time we experience a crisis God puts not only one, but usually several people, in our lives to be there for us.  This includes the Holy Spirit!

While I do not recommend the movie Pay it Forward (because of the excessive foul language) I do recommend the philosophy.  Someone was there for me, so I should be there for someone else.

Ignoring a person in crisis is equal to ignoring a person drowning in a pool.  Most people describe their crisis as feeling like they are drowning.  Job was in a crisis greater than most of us can imagine, he lost his property, his children, and his health.  But he still had three good friends who were there for him. 

2. When I needed someone no one but God helped me.

This reason is the opposing cause with the same result as the reason above.  Perhaps you experienced a life crisis alone (this never happens for believers because the Holy Spirit is always with us).  You know how hard it is to survive a crisis.  Surviving a crisis, either alone or with friends, highlights the importance of having a friend(s) to lean on and to provide that extra help to those in crisis.

Choose to be that person for someone else.  Job’s friends weren’t there by accident, even Jesus sought comfort and support from his friends while he was experiencing his crisis in the garden the night before his death (Mt. 26:38).

3. God is giving me an opportunity to participate in HIS work.

Each one of us has been commanded by God to love God and love people (Mt. .  Part of loving God is to love the things HE loves, that includes people.  Part of loving people is helping each other through various crises we experience in life.  There is a word we use for this, it’s discipleship.

God not only directs us, but HE also empowers us to help each other.  THIS DOESN’T MEAN WE ARE TO BECOME "THE SPIRITUAL ANSWER MAN."   I am convinced the best answer to helping those in crisis is, “I don’t know, but lets find out together.” 

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, Because the LORD has anointed me To bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives And freedom to prisoners; To proclaim the favorable year of the LORD And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, To grant those who mourn in Zion, Giving them a garland instead of ashes, The oil of gladness instead of mourning, The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified. Isaiah 61:1-3 (NASB)

TEEN CRISIS INTERVENTION (pt. 1)

 Then the LORD said to Cain, "Where is Abel your brother?" And he said, "I do not know. Am I my brother's keeper?"   Genesis 4:9 (NASB)

(note: For the purposes of this series of posts, the terms parent and step-parent are interchangeable)

    I am convinced the correct answer to Cane’s question is a resounding “YES!”  If we take time to reason out the complete meaning of “Loving God and Loving People” then we conclude that loving God means caring for (Gen. 2:15) God’s creation and loving the things HE loves.  Loving people, means we take an active role in helping and protecting each other.  This brings us to Cane’s question and my response to that question.  When people are in crisis, either physical, spiritual, or emotional, the loving response is to intervene. 

The age group at greatest risk today is that group between the ages of 11 to 25.  The key ingredient in crisis intervention for this age group is loving parents.

Intervention (or in Cane’s words, “becoming my brother’s keeper”) cannot be left up to parents alone.  There are too many angles of attack for parents to handle the battle alone.  A battle that often overwhelms single parents.  The battle against self destruction requires other adults to work along side of parents toward protecting students from the messages of self-destruction that appear to be bombarding teens daily.  In short, crisis intervention involves Christian adults battling the cultural forces that make destructive solutions attractive to troubled teens.

Teens in crisis will only get the intervention they need when adults acknowledge that a crisis exists.