PARENTING TIPS FROM A SURVIVOR - 2

Part 2: SELF-CONTROL: It is Caught More than Taught.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 (HCSB)

Perhaps the greatest thing that a parent can do for his or her children is to say no. Children may not like to hear that word, but they soon learn, one of the ways parents communicate love is by saying “no”.  It is the primary task of each and every parent to protect their children from harm.  The danger may be perceived or unperceived.  It may be immediate or potential.  Regardless of the details, it’s the parent’s job to protect their children from others, other things, even themselves.

This is where self-control comes into the picture. Lack of self-control will place our children into a multitude of immediate and delayed dangers. The obvious dangers involve things like financial harm, poor health, over (or under) weight, chemical abuse, harmful relationships, and a long list of addictions. 

God does the same thing in our lives.  He says “no” to lots of things we think are ok or even good for us. For example, we apply for a new job or position.  To us this might seem like the right thing to do, but God closes the door.  Maybe we decide to purchase a car.  The price is right, the vehicle is in good shape, there is no Biblical reason preventing us from this deal.  Again, God says no, we don’t know why, but He does.  Sometimes He will tell us later why He said no, sometimes He never tells us. 

Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has actually resulted in the advancement of the gospel, Philippians 1:12 (HCSB)

Wise parents are always trying to teach their children when to say no, but in truth the lessons of self-control must begin with the parents.  When parents demonstrate the ability to say no to their own wants, they communicate the value of self-control to their children.  If children are to learn to understand restraint, then parents need to prove that they can and will say no to immediate gratification. 

Remember:
The values parents demonstrate are the values that will be caught and developed in the lives of their children. Self-control is not limited to fits of anger.  It includes our language, our passions, our priorities, and our purchases. Children will imitate their parents in how they treat people, the church, and God. 

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 2 Peter 1:5-7 (HCSB)

PARENTING TIPS FROM A SURVIVOR

Part 1: IMITATION: Be An Good Example

An old experienced college professor once taught me that as a football coach, “It is never an excuse to say, 'I told him!'”  What am I trying to illustrate? Telling children to develop or not to develop certain behaviors is a waste of good air (as a SCUBA diver, I value air very much).

If we want our children to become good citizens and devoted Christians, we have to do more than just tell. The biblical model for parenting doesn’t focus on what we are to “tell our children” but rather it focuses on what we are to “teach our children.”(see: Dt 4:9;  Dt 11:19; Ps 34:11; Ps 78:5).

Teaching involves several steps.  The first step is demonstrating a desired behavior or value.  Secondly, it involves getting the student to imitate that action.  Then as the student performs the action, the teacher encourages, corrects, and compliments the student's performance.  In simpler words, parents demonstrate and get children to imitate.

Here is a good definition I learned from another wise college professor, “Learning takes place when reflective thinking is present and improved behavior is forthcoming.” It is the job of a parent to guide our children to reflect on their actions and evaluate outcomes. 

Children are programed to be imitators and their preference is to imitate their parents (see: Ephesians 5:1).  There is no choice here.  Parents will either be a positive role model or a negative role model, but either way, they will be role models. Lets embrace the office of role model that has been given to us and be positive examples of what good parenting should be!

Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk—not as unwise people but as wise. Ephesians 5:15 (HCSB)

Parents are to live out our lives as an example to follow.  The old “do as I say, not as I do” approach simply will not work.  As parents (note parents, not “best friends”) we need to interact with our children by correcting, encouraging, acknowledging or praising their actions(whichever is appropriate).  Basically, if we want our children to attend church, to volunteer, to be polite, to be obedient, to be safe drivers, etc., then WE HAVE TO BE THOSE THINGS FIRST!           

Set an example of good works yourself, with integrity and dignity in your teaching. Titus 2:7 (HCSB)

Children need our encouragement if they are to meet the challenges of life and mature into healthy Christian adults.